Let me introduce you to your BUS - this bus has one driver: YOU. You get to sit in front, by yourself leading the way down the road (your path) - but you are never alone. The passengers on the bus are everything that makes up who you are: the depressed, the athlete, the painter, the story teller, the liar, the thief, the lover, etc. Now picture the inside of the bus and what separates the driver from the passengers - not much. There may be a line painted on the ground, there may even be a plexiglass divider. The driver is given the opportunity to create strong boundaries when they are in that seat. Do we let our passengers up with us - do they sit in our laps? It is definitely more difficult to drive when that happens. They may grab the wheel and we are now heading left, when we wanted to go straight. Some of our passengers have been with us since birth. Some of the passengers we want to let off, but they seem to have unlimited day passes to stay. Some passengers we pick up along the way as we learn new skills, get hurt by new acquaintances and learn to love. We learn ways to deal with our passengers and that is where our TOOL BOX comes in.
Our tool box is very handy and sometimes frustrating (more on that later). Every time we problem solve, learn something that calms us, etc, we put those skills/things in our tool box. Again, some things in our box are given to us at birth - maybe the way to self sooth was taught to us by our care givers, maybe we were introduced to music that we have found through the years that makes us happy. Our tool box can have a counselor or therapist, doctor, or other people that we can trust to help us navigate this life. Our tool box can also have chocolate cookies (although I recommend limiting the amount of food, drugs and alcohol in our tool box), music, poetry, silence, books, walks, runs, bing on the lake, whatever has worked for you in the past and whatever may help you in the future. You may even have something in yours that has only worked once so far in your past, but keep it - tomorrow is a new day.
Also in our bus we have a FIRST AID KIT. There are real things that happen to us that need real solutions. Bandaids, gauze, wraps for sprained ankles. Sometimes we are walking along and all of our passengers come off the bus and jump on our backs - we are overwhelmed and not concentrating on our path and we fall and skin a knee or even our heart gets broken. All good reasons to have a first aid kit available.
Ok, we are back on our bus enjoying the sound of the tires on the road. As we are driving down the road, our path, we may get a flat tire. 4 months ago, we would have gotten that fixed with the tools that have always worked in the past. We would have grabbed a tool from our tool box, maybe called AAA, maybe we know how to fix a flat or a friend does. We would never give on a fixing a flat tire, we would keep fixing them until we got to our destination.
Now think about today, right now, as we are all at home - separated from our “normal” routines. Some of us are out there working- but it is everything but normal. We get a flat tire now and nothing works. We reach into the glove box and grab our bus manual and it is in a language we don’t understand. Nothing is right. Everything about today is different. Thankfully we have a big tool box full of things to try. We need to keep reaching for a new tool.
Well, life is a lot like fixing flats right now. We are grabbing at new and old tools to help us through our anxiety, our boredom, our frustration and fear. We are trying new things to calm us, make us laugh and keep us happy.
Keeping moving forward - realize that there are a lot of things out of our control right now. But we each have a tool box, a beautiful bus taking us down the road on our path of life and a first aid kit for all those times we stumble and get back up. Give yourself some slack, we don’t need to be perfect right now - JUST BE.
Be well everyone!